86 - In The Park

12.3.06

LDY reaches into MBETH’s head.

LDY
Where is it?

MBETH
I don’t know…

LDY
C’mon! Where did you put it?

MBETH
I’m telling you, I don’t know!

LDY is elbow deep into MBETH’s skull

LDY
Is this it?

MBETH
OW! No!

LDY
Sorry…oh wait! I found it!

MBETH
Well pull it out and close me up! I’m getting twitchy…

LDY pulls an 8ball out of MBETH’s skull, closing the lid.

LDY
It’s all wet and gooey with brains…

MBETH
Well it’s my last one. Take it or leave it.

LDY
No, its fine. This’ll do. Got a light?

MBETH
Are you kidding me? Jesus, be quick about, ok?

LDY
Sorry…

MBETH
This is seriously bad for my health.

LDY opens up MBETH’s chest.

LDY
There’s nothing there.

MBETH
What?

LDY
It’s empty.

MBETH
Well sht. What do we do now?

LDY
How the fck should I know?

MBETH
This is so typical.

LDY
We could eat it?

MBETH
I’m not eating it.

LDY
Why not?

MBETH
Because then you’ll just reach in my belly to pull it out again. Uh-uh. No way.

LDY
Do you have any other ideas?

MBETH
Close me up!

LDY
Close yourself up.

LDY closes MBETH’s chest.

LDY
Oh wait! I just remembered!

MBETH
What?

LDY
I found a match on the ground yesterday…

MBETH
Like a book or just a match?

LDY
Just the match…

MBETH
How are you supposed to light it then?

LDY
It’s one of, HERE IT IS! It’s one of those strike anywhere dealies. See?

MBETH
Ok, so do you have a pipe? You don’t have a pipe, do you? Alright, look in the back.

SHIFT SU enters on a bicycle, pursued by GEORGE on foot. Laughter. Bicycle bells.

GEORGE
Slow down!

SU
Aren’t you having fun?

GEORGE
Yeah, but slow down! Let me catch my breath!

SU
Fatass.

GEORGE
I can’t keep up! You’ve got my bike!

SU
Bike this!

GEORGE
Bike this?

SU
Yeah. Bike. This.

GEORGE
What does that even mean?

SU
Bike me.

GEORGE
Believe me, I’d bike to.

SU
C’mere.

A kiss.

SU
What time is?

GEORGE
Late. So late it’s early. So…Early.

SU
There’s no one here…

GEORGE
What? No…

SU
Pssh…

GEORGE
What about my bike?

SU
Nobody’s going to take it. It’s a piece of crap.

GEORGE
…Do you think we can be quiet?

SU
Oh my god!

GEORGE
What? What is it?

SU
Your arm! What happened to your arm?

GEORGE
What?

SU
It’s bleeding! Did that just happen just now?

GEORGE
Must’ve happened while I was chasing you…I don’t even really feel it.

SU
This looks pretty serious…

GEORGE
Do you think it needs stitches? What do you think I should do?

SU
Tough call.

GEORGE
I think it needs stitches.

SU
Oh, no, yeah, totally, definitely. But I’m wondering if we should wait a while.

GEORGE
For what? …what? No! Are you kidding me?

SU
All this blood is turning me on…

GEORGE
This is a joke, right?

SU
Serious as a heart attack…

GEORGE
I don’t want anymore.

LDY
Why not?

MBETH
Because I said so. I’m tired of it.

LDY
Tired of what?

GEORGE
Love.

SU
Sex?

MBETH
Drugs…

LDY
Whatever.

MBETH/GEORGE
I don’t want it anymore.

LDY
It’s your hit.

SU
We’ll take you to the hospital after…

LDY
Clean you up. This sht scrapes your insides and fills them with whipped cream.

GEORGE
Is that supposed to be appealing?

MBETH
You can have the rest.

GEORGE
Need to get fixed up.

MBETH
I feel broken.

SU kisses MBETH. Meanwhile:

GEORGE
I’m going to the clinic. Are you coming with me?

LDY
I don’t want to go to the gddamn clinic! I told you a million times before!

GEORGE
I definitely need stitches, and there’s no way I’m going to sit around and fck first…

LDY
Fine. You go your way, I’ll go my way, sucker.

GEORGE
Where are you going with my bike?

LDY
What does it look like? I’m taking it!

GEORGE
Hey! Come back!

Exit LDY pursued by GEORGE.

SU
What is this?

MBETH
Why are you stopping?

SU
Is this a tooth? Gross! Did you just spit one of your teeth into my mouth?

MBETH
It must have fallen out…

SU
That is so sick…look at it, it’s like, green…

MBETH
Could you put I back in?

SU
No, I wanna look at it for a minute.

SU holds the tooth up to the light.

MBETH
What are you looking at?

SU
Small rodents like gerbils have killer teeth. Like, literally, it kills them. Sometimes. They have to chew and chew and chew all the time to wear them down, or their teeth grow too long and either break through their mouth or cut up into their brain. If they live too long, they stop being able to fight it. Inevitably, it kills them. Unless something else kills them first. I didn’t believe it either, at first, but then I read about it in a book and in a magazine, and heard someone mention it on Mtv. So it has to be true.

MBETH
Please put it back.

SU
What if I don’t wanna?

MBETH
Please?

Pause. SU reaches into MBETH’s mouth and puts the tooth where it belongs. Blackout.