69 - Holy Coronation

11.16.06

A THRONE. The sound of SOUSA FANFARE. A crowd roars. Guards march in followed by UNCLE SAM holding a crown. An AUDIENCE MEMBER, previously selected, is escorted in, and seated on the throne, over which UNCLE SAM holds the crown. An old timey radio announcer:

ANNOUNCER
PRESENTING FOR TODAY AND TODAY ONLY, PLUCKED FROM YOU, THE COMMON PEOPLE, CHOSEN BY FATE AND BLESSED BY DESTINY, WE BRING YOU THE CORONATION OF THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE indefatigable MONARCH OF MANIFEST DESTINY, YOUR BRAND NEW (QUEEN/KING) OF AMERICA!

Rapturous applause. UNCLE SAM SPEAKS.

UNCLE SAM
Today, on this most glorious of days, the church of America has guided its favor upon one of its many children. And lo, these many years, such a hopeful moment has yet to cross my weary eyes as this, most happy of coronations. So will I say to you, our new divine leader, show us the way to glory, and we will glorify you for all days.

SOUSA REQUIEM as the AUDIENCE MEMBER is cleansed and robed in banners. UNCLE SAM walks the crown to face four directions, murmuring a holy benediction. Finally, the AUDIENCE MEMBER is prepared, and kneels at the feet of UNCLE SAM.

UNCLE SAM
Do you swear to rule with decency, to combat corruption and to govern with intent?

AUDIENCE MEMBER
I do.

UNCLE SAM
And do you, the people of AMERICA honor this coronation with your assent?

AUDIENCE (hopefully)
We do.

UNCLE SAM
Then repeat after me:
I, the citizen of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, Do recognize the gilded age that is to come, And with full knowledge of the silver ages that have come to pass, Ask that this mortal before me accept this CROWN, As a token of the godliness from which they shall rule, And gratefully look forward to the fairness and balance which is to come. Amen.

GUARDS
Hear ye hear ye, we have heard the people speak!

UNCLE SAM
So then the church of AMERICA crowns it’s new (KING/QUEEN)!

UNCLE SAM silently lowers the crown atop the AUDIENCE MEMBER’S head. In an instant: confetti flies, balloons fall, a SOUSA ovation blares, the crowd roars, and the guards fire rounds into the air. If the AUDIENCE MEMBER wishes to speak, then they should be allowed to do so. After the celebrations are complete, the ritual is either abandoned as if it were nothing, or a glorious exit is made at once.