81

11.28.06

An aged oak table, with a half filled bottle of whiskey. Enter MERLE. He produces a dried flower and carefully places it in the bottle. He is alone.

MERLE
In the name of the father and the son and the holy spirit, amen.
Lord.
It’s been a good year for a lot of us.
Jake down there at the auto shop says business is steady. Says a bunch of the town’s beaters are finally starting to break down, which I’d never wish on no one, but everyone sees the silver lining. His kids look well fed and warm this winter. And Jake, he should have his gamblin’ debts paid off by February. You kept him away from the table for a full nine months now, Lord. Should be proud of yourself.
Miranda at the old folk’s home has really caught her stride, now she’s been there for a while. Much better than the factory job, she says. I talked to her last week, and she gave me some dried flowers she picked the day she got hired. She’s getting a bit chubby again, though. Not too chubby, you know, it’s a good sign and all, but she doesn’t have that hollowness to her she used to have, you know? I guess you got to trade some things in.
I’ve been calling Kris and Kendall over and over, but I don’t think they want to talk anymore. Good for them. Good to move on. Wouldn’t want to be a burden. Not looking for forgiveness, you know? I can keep my own head up, I don’t want to send anyone else crashing down just to ease my aches.
Heard some rather pretty music last night. I couldn’t really make it out. Some flutes. Went nice with the snow, listened through the car window, think it was Christmas music. I had to close it though, on account of the cold. It was my hands, you know? They got too cold. I can usually take the cold, but my hands…Anyway, there wasn’t anything in my glove compartment. Remember when I used to keep a flask there? It was a warm memory for me, sitting there and listen to those flutes.
The window fogged up from all my heavy breathing. I breath with my mouth open now, Lord. And my breath froze to the window and made all these patterns. There were cold repeating swirls and spirals that went nice with the snow falling down.
Thursday was tough for me.
I couldn’t get through it without thinking about all that time. Where does it all go? Where do you put all that time when we’re done with it? Or does it just blow out our tailpipes like some smoky exhaust? I just needed some fuel lord. That’s all. A higher power wasn’t doing it for me Thursday night.
Anyway, its been a couple days since then, and I’m doing better. And I didn’t get back in the car this time until I knew it was all over. I really just wanted to apologize to you and to Rose, you know, since the kids won’t let me. Can you just tell me it’s alright?
Lord.
Tell me it’s alright lord…
In the name… of the father and the son and the holy spirit. Amen.

MERLE picks up the flower and throws it to the floor, gulping.