75

11.22.06

IN THE ASPHODEL MEADOWS. A CHORUS plays and modulates continuously. A CHORUS hums along.

CHORUS
TODAY IS EVERYDAY-AND EVERY DAY IS HELL
THE SAME
The same thing is everything is everything the same?
The same damn thing is everything the same?
The same old same old same old same
The same game of same game
The same is the same
WOE ARE WE - THE RADIO IS PLAYING AVRIL LAVIGNE!
I’m sad but rebellious and spunky!
WE ACOMPLISHED NOTHING IN LIFE AND SO WE REAP NO FRUIT IN DEATH
WE ARE MADE TO SUFFER FOR OUR LACK OF SINS
SINSATIONLESS
WE HAVE NOT VOTED AND THUS
WOE ARE WE!
WE ARE RULED BY A TYRANT WE DID NOT ELECT
WOE ARE WE!
HERE COMES HE NOW, THE EMPEROR OF MAN!

Enter EMPEROR.

CHORUS
HAIL GLORIOUS SONY! EMPEROR OF OUR HEARTS AND MINDS!

EMPEROR
Sales are down! Your tributes are waning!

CHORUS
EVEN IN THE AFTERLIFE WE CANNOT BE FREE OF HIS COMMAND!

EMPEROR
I will have a mosaic of platinum records on my wall!

CHORUS
HIS MOTIVATIONS ARE QUESTIONABLE!

EMPEROR
I AM UNQUESTIONABLE!

The CHORUS cowers.

CHORUS
OUR PROTESTS GO UNHEARD IN THE ASPHODEL MEADOWS
Why didn’t we say something when we had the chance?!
WILL NO ONE RESCUE US FROM AN ETERNITY OF BOREDOM?

1st CHORUS
I will speak!

EMPEROR
So you will go unheard!

The EMPEROR steals 1st CHORUS’ voice.

CHORUS
HER VOICE IS STOLEN! WE HEAR HER BUT WE CANNOT LISTEN!
Why did none of us care?
WILL NO ONE TEACH US TO STAND FOR SOMETHING?

2nd CHORUS
I will stand!

EMPEROR
You will sit!

The EMPEROR makes the entire CHORUS sit, save REVOLUTIONARY, who stands defiant. The REVOLUTIONARY speaks with a thousand voices.

REVOLUTIONARY
I WILL NEVER BEND TO YOUR WILL NEVERENDING
IN LIFE I WAS A SLOTH IN DEATH I AM A FAST MOVING THING
IN LIFE I WAS A SLOTH IN DEATH I AM A FAST MOVING THING
IN LIFE IN LIFE DEATH
IN LIFE IN LIFE DEATH
IN LIFE I WAS A GOTH IN DEATH I AM A KING!

EMPEROR
Demon spawn!

REVOLUTIONARY
HIGH-WAY TO HELL!

CHORUS
A HERO EMERGES!


REVOLUTIONARY
Fahfahfah fah fah fahfahfah fah fah

EMPEROR
Loud nonsense!

CHORUS
FAHFAHFAH FAH FAH FAHFAHFAH FAH FAH YOUBETTA…

EMPEROR
The rebellion spreads!

REVOLUTIONARY
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death/
I take a look at my life and realize there’s nothing left!

CHORUS
COOLIO!
COOLIO!
Coo! Lee!
OOHHH!

EMPEROR
There is but one thing I can do to maintain my empire!
Sign with me today, and you will rule the Asphodel Plains tomorrow!

REVOLUTIONARY
That’ll be the day-ay-ay…when I die!

EMPEROR
I will make you last for ever! A legend! A hero of the greatest myths!

CHORUS
WE WORSHIP YOU!

REVOLUTIONARY
Very superstitious…

EMPEROR
Writing’s on the wall…

REVOLUTIONARY
Very superstitious!

CHORUS
DO ALL THAT YOU CAN!
EMPEROR
I can spread your message and give you new life!

REVOLUTIONARY
‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky…

EMPEROR
I can make you live forever!

A GASP from the CHORUS.

REVOLUTIONARY
Alright, where do I sign?

EMPEROR
On the dotted line.

REVOLUTIONARY
On the dotted line?

EMPEROR
On the dotted line.

CHORUS
ON THE DOTTED LINE
DON’T YOU EVER SIGN
ON THE DOTTED LINE!

The REVOLUTIONARY signs, sings.

REVOLUTIONARY
HEY! HO! LEMME HEAR YOU SAY HEY! HO!

CHORUS
Dude, whatever.

REVOLUTIONARY
DON’T PASS ME BY…

CHORUS
God, I am so sick of hearing that.
WE KNOW, LIKE, TOTALLY!

The CHORUS exits bored and chatty. The EMPEROR tears up the contract. The REVOLUTIONARY grows fat and old, eventually playing a bit part on some crappy reality show.