102

12.19.06

Darkness.

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LIGHTS FLASH ACROSS THE STAGE. A DOZEN PIÑATAS DANGLE ABOVE OUR HEADS, AND EXPLODE. CANDY IS SHOWERED EVERYWHERE. CLOWNS CARTWHEEL AND CONFETTI FLIES. OLD TIMEY MUSIC BLARES. RICHARD NIXON ENTERS, GESTURES, AND EXITS. THE BEARS WIN THE SUPERBOWL. AN APPLAUSE SIGN FLASHES. ALL OF THIS HAPPENS IN LESS THAN FIFTY SECONDS. THEN IT ALL STOPS SUDDENLY. We rest in the aftermath. The lights return to normal. A baby cries quietly. Someone cleans the stage. Once all is restored, five minutes of quiet. If anyone remains, the countdown begins again. This time, the result is a single spotlight on a big sign which reads: “WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT FROM US?” The spotlight shuts off. Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” plays softly as the lights return to normal. Now, if anyone remains, at the end of the adagio, a ten second countdown ensues, and THE CARNIVAL RETURNS. EVEN MORE PHRENETIC THAN THE LAST ONE, NOW A UNICYLCIST WHEELS ABOUT, AND NIXON IS ACCOMPANIED BY RONALD REGAN. NIXON AND REGAN START TO MAKE OUT. CLOWNS THROW CANDY AT THE AUDIENCE. NINJAS DESCEND FROM THE RAFTERS TO BATTLE THE CLOWNS WITH SWORDS. THE 1812 OVERTURE BLARES. THE CLOWNS FIGHT BACK WITH PIES. NIXON AND REGAN ARE HAVING SEX. TWO PEOPLE IN A DONKEY SUIT DANCE ACROSS THE STAGE. A PANDA GIVES FLOWERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHO APPEAR TO BE “NICE.” THE LIGHTS SHUT OFF. Nixon and Regan are still going at it.