25

10.2.06
The AUDIENCE is given a program with a libretto. There are no instructions, simply the text that is provided below. They are asked to leave their seats, but to leave articles and objects behind that will make them recognize which seat belonged to whom. The USHERS guide the AUDIENCE to the stage, facing the empty seats, as gently as though they were old and feeble. If audience members refuse to participate, or refuse to leave their seats, the USHERS inform the rest of the AUDIENCE members that the event cannot continue until the dissenters leave or join the group. The USHERS then tell the audience to perform the libretto however they would like to. They are encouraged to sing, shout, whisper, etc., in unison, but they are asked to stay relatively still and face the empty seats. They do not realize that their librettos do not match up. Nor do they realize that there is a camera hidden in the back of the house, taping their impromptu performance. The USHERS count to three, and the reading begins.

LIBRETTO A
We are capable of a great imagination. Even our breath means something to us. We ascribe meaning to words, but words are just sounds. What does that even mean?

We are all speaking together, but we’re making different sounds. So we are speaking different languages. We’re doing the same moves to a different dance.

The problem is, we are all participating. We can’t remove ourselves from this conversation without taking ourselves out of the equation entirely. We aren’t a part of something we merely observe. In order to truly listen, we have to be able to interject.

Of course this could all just be nonsense. There’s no way to tell when there isn’t a story.

B LIBRETTO
We are capable of a great imagination. Even our death means something to us. We ascribe meaning to words, when words are just sounds. Mean even that does what?

We are all squeaking together, but we’re taking different sounds. So we are squeaking different languages. We’re moving the same grooves to a different dance.

The problem is, we are all farticipating. We shan’t remove ourselves from this mortal coil without letting people get away with stuff they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with in the first place. We have to do something! We can’t just sit idly by while the world goes crazy and everything we hold dear is destroyed! Look at us! What are we even doing here? We’re supposed to be in our seats! This isn’t what we came here for! What good are we if we just stand here and do what we’re told, in spite of the fact that we know that it’s wrong! IT’S ALL WRONG!

LI3RETTO
We are capable of a great imagination. CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP. What does that even mean?

squeeeeeeek squeek-squeek. Squeaky squeaky squeek squeeeeeeek. Squeeky squeaky.
Electric. Hey! Twist… Slide. Macarena!

Shhhhhhh. Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Shh…..shhh……
SHUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Pop pop pop poppoppoppoppop pop pop
Pop pop poppop pop pop pop pop pop pop
BOOM!
BOOM!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeBOOM
KA-BOOM!
BOOM BOOM BOOOM!

Thank you all for participating in our mad little scheme. The rest of you may now take your seats. Please take your seats. Take your seats. We will continue asking you to take your seats until everyone who isn’t speaking has taken their seat. Take your seats. Please take your seats so that we might move on. Ok. Thank you. What you didn’t realize was that we were plotting against you all along! We all met before tonight’s event to discuss ways to make you do our bidding. Our little plan worked. Hah hah hah.

Soon we too will return to our seats to view the fruits of our earlier labors. You see, we had cohorts in other audiences as well, and they conned other audiences to do the same as we. In the back of the space, one of our operatives have hidden a camera. In a moment, we will watch surveillance from another earlier experiment. A moment of warning, your video will be shown to the next audience. After that time, it will be destroyed. Thank you.

The USHERS inform the last AUDIENCE members that they may now sit. When they are situated, the “Video” from the “previous show” is played. The “AUDIENCE” from the video speaks”

“AUDIENCE”
We are actually not the previous audience. We are actually the audience from the next performance. We are the audience of the fuuuuuuuuuuture. Ooooooooooooooooh. The fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuture. You should ask us what lottery numbers to play.

We have intercepted this transmission for a purpose. We too accidentally peered into the FUTURE while performing this piece. We were shown a video, with another audience from an entirely different performance, days after our own. It appears, according to them, that a major catastrophe is going to take place. THE FUTURE NEEDS YOUR HELP!

The USHERS begin to appear visibly frightened. They “have no idea what is going on.” “This has never happened before.”

“AUDIENCE”
They were told by yet another audience, who was told by another audience that someone in this event would single-handedly destroy the world. They said that this message should be passed on from audience to audience until it reached your audience. They said you would know it was your audience because someone sitting near the front would be wearing a t-shirt that says “COME ON FEEL THE ILLINOISE” and would stand up and say “holy crap, that’s me!”

While they say this, an “Audience member wearing the aforementioned t-shirt stands up and says ‘holy crap, that’s me!”

“AUDIENCE”
This is not the person who will destroy the world. We have no description of this person to give to you. Only the fact that that person exists among your ranks. Stop them at all costs! The fate of the world rests in your collective hands.

The “video” cuts out. The USHERS look confused as to what they should do next.