15 - the BAY of TRUST

9.22.06

Beeps. A weightless American flag.
Beeps and static. A projected image of the surface of the moon.
Slowly, a SPACE ASTRONAUT bobs in. Gravity is lighter than the SPACE ASTRONAUT is used to. RADIO VOICE BUZZES.

RADIO VOICE
I’ll-I’ll say the gravity here is much lighter than I’m used toBEEP*

Moog synthesizers. Beeps. The surface of the moon begins to show footprints, irrevocable. The SPACE ASTRONAUT observes.

RADIO VOICE
I’ll say, that’s a purdy viewBEEP*
Is it?BEEP*
Right over hereBEEP* You can see CassiopiBEEP* Clear asBEEP*
I’llBEEP* I’ll come right over to youBEEP*

Heavy breathing. It becomes noticeable that the stars have been moving across the sky all along. Beeps. More heavy breathing.

RADIO VOICE
Command here, how’s the view?

A SECOND SPACE ASTRONAUT bobs into view.

RADIO VOICE
Could you turn off your respirator mic, please? I can see you’re aliveBEEP*
BEEP*
Oh SorryBEEP*
Command here, can you hear us up there?
Is that better?BEEP*
BEEP*
Yes, thanksBEEP*
Command here, I think we’re having communication problems.
Sorry command, we can hear youBEEP*
BEEP*
The view is a might purdyBEEP*

Beeps. The SPACE ASTRONAUTS are happier than they’ve ever been in their entire lives. This is clear in spite of the fact that their space suits cover their entire bodies. More irrevocable footprints.

RADIO VOICE
BEEP*
Moog music. The earth begins to rise.

RADIO VOICE
Well fellas, this is command. We have a special treat for you down here, and we figured y’all would appreciate it. Are you ready?
SureBEEP*
I wonder what it isBEEP*
Well, boys, here it is.

LA BAMBA begins to play. The SPACE ASTRONAUTS boogie.

RADIO VOICE
That’s my kind of musicBEEP*
BEEP*
Yeah, them’s my jamsBEEP*

A THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT bobs in and dances..

RADIO VOICE
Troposphere. Stratosphere. Mesosphere. Thermosphere. Exosphere. BoogiesphereBEEP*

The earth has risen. They dance until the music’s end. Pause.

RADIO VOICE
Who the hell are you?BEEP*
BLOOP*
Is this some kind of joke?BEEP*
Don’t look at meBEEP*
BLOOP*
Is there a problem?
Identify yourselfBEEP*
BLOOP*
This is command, what’s the situation?
Identify yourselfBEEP*
Command, it appears we have a bogey here on Sinus FideiBEEP*
BLOOP*
BLOOP*
BLOOP*
QUIT IT WITH YER DAMN BLOOPING!BEEP*
Calm down, calm down, hold itBEEP*
Just what, now, just what do you mean by “bogey?”

Pause. Static. Pause.

RADIO VOICE
BLOOP*

The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT waves hello.

RADIO VOICE
BLOOPBLEEPbloopbloopBLOOP*
BLOOP*
I have absolutely no idea how to handle thisBEEP*
BLOOP*
This thing has no right to be hereBEEP*
This is command again. Might this bogey have been attracted by the music?
I don’t know what this thing’s story is. It looks a lot like us, but I have no idea how to interpret it. Its language is something completely incomprehensible to meBEEP*
BLOOP*
Command again, any chance you could capture it and immobilize it? Maybe we could bring it downstairs and run some tests, put it to good use.
I don’t want to go anywhere near itBEEP*

The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT approaches the other two SPACE ASTRONAUTS looking for a hug. They try to flee in terror. A slow motion space-chase sequence ensues.

RADIO VOICE
BEEP*AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!BEEP*
BLOOPBLEEPBLEEPBLOOPBLOOPBLOOP*
Just what in tar nation tar nation just what in tar nation just what just what-

The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT gives up. Dejected, the THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT begins to exit.

RADIO VOICE
WAIT!BLEEP*

The THIRD SPACE ASTONAUT turns around, full of hope.

RADIO VOICE
BLOOP?*

The FIRST SPACE ASTONAUT grabs the American flag. The SECOND SPACE ASTRONAUT motions the THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT to come closer. The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT waddles in like a toddler; wary, but curious.

RADIO VOICE
That’s it…thaaaaaaat’s itBEEP*
Come closer, little fellaBEEP*
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON UP THERE?!

The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT suddenly becomes fearful.

RADIO VOICE
Dammit!BEEP*
Good going commandBEEP*
You blew itBEEP*
Sorry, sorry. I’ll keep it down.
BlOOOOOoooooooooooooooP*
Ok, ok, I have an ideaBEEP*
BEEP*
I’m going to make an attempt to communicateBEEP*
Go for it, I’ve got you coveredBEEP*
Here goes nothing. Bleep! Bloop bloop! Bleepbloopbloop!BEEP*
BuzzzzzzzzBEEP*
Don’t say “buzz” you idiot! It doesn’t speak “buzz”!BEEP*
How do you know?BEEP*
When have you heard it say “buzz?”BEEP*
Ok, ok. SorryBEEP*
Leave it to me. Bloop! Bloop blip bloop bloop!BEEP*

The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT approaches…

RADIO VOICE
BLOOP?*
Bloop! Bloop bleep bleep! Hey, I think he understands me! Bloop!BEEP*
BLOOOOOOOP?*
Bloop bloop!BEEP*

The earth has set. The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT reaches out.

RADIO VOICE
NOW!BEEP*

The FIRST SPACE ASTRONAUT traps the THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT with the American flag. The SECOND SPACE ASTRONAUT begins to beat the THIRD ASTRONAUT with the flag pole. The THIRD SPACE ASTRONAUT escapes after a great struggle, hastily exiting in a trail of Atari blips and bloops.

RADIO VOICE
GET HIM!BEEP*
RUN GOGOGOGOGO!BEEP*

The remaining SPACE ASTRONAUTS exit in hot persuit.