11

9.18.06
A bad poetry reading. Limp applause.

HOST
Ok. Cool. Our next poet is named Crystal-

POET
KrysTAL!

HOST
Yeah. Ok. Cool. Sorry. Krystal. Let’s hear what you have to say.

Limp applause. The POET approaches the stage.

POET
Ok. This is a poem I wrote last winter. It’s funny, because I always find winter to be such a quiet season, but this poem is not very quiet. If you like my poem, I have a blog where I post a new poem everyday, including this one, although I’ve edited this one from its original form. The blog is Krystallatsyrk.blogspot.com.
Ok. Now I am going to begin my poem.
NO ONE IS AT THIS POETRY SLAM.
THERE ARE ONLY A FEW PEOPLE AT THIS POETRY SLAM.
THOSE WHO ARE AT THIS POETRY SLAM ARE HERE AGAINST THEIR WILL.
I AM A SLAVE, TEATHERED TO THIS POETRY READING.
I AM NOT A WILLING PARTICIPANT OF THIS POETRY READING.
THIS POETRY EVENT IS A DIRECT RESULT OF CULTURAL FASCISM-

HOST
Yeah! Right on, sister!

POET
CULTURAL FASCISM HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT TO LOOK LIKE AND HOW TO DRESS AND HOW TO BE AND WHAT TO LOOK LIKE AND WHAT TO BE AND WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU DON’T WANT AND WHO TO LAUGH AT BASED ON HOW MUCH THEY DEVIATE FROM THESE PERAMETERS.
I DO NOT DEVIATE.
I AM A SLAVE, WEATHERED BY CULTURAL FASCISM.
MY COUTOURE, PAINT CHIPS FLAKED OFF A RUSTY SWING, WEAR & TEAR.

INSERT JAB AT PRESIDENT BUSH … HERE.

OBSERVATION OBSERVATION OBSERVATION.
OBFUSCATION OBFUSCATION OBFUSCATION.
FART FART FART FART FART FART FART FAT.

Heil Heidi Klum! Heil Hugo Boss! Heil Calvin Klein! Heil Martha Stewart!

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE MY BOOTS? DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THEM! LOOK AT THEM! I WANT TO SEE YOU INCHES AWAY FROM MY BOOTS RIGHT NOW TO TELL ME HOW GREAT THEY ARE! DO IT! DO IT!

GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BOOTS! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE ANYWHERE NEEEEEEEEER THEM!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!

I’m really serious, I don’t want to be here, but they are holding me here against my will. I was stolen from my home and brought here against my will and what I wanted and then they sold me and and andohmygodohmygodtheyseemetheyknowthati’mtellingyoutorun.
ruuuunnnnnnnnnnnnn….
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrunnnnnnnnnnnn…….
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnrrrrrrrnnnnrrrrnrnrnrnrnrnrrnrnrnrnrnrn.

BOOM.

pop!

BOOM POP.

I will now make a flag out of words.

Star blue star blue star red red red red
Blue star blue star blue white white white.
Star blue star blue star red red red red
Blue star blue star blue white white white.
Star blue star blue star red red red red
White white white white white white white
Red red red red red red red red red red
White white white white white white white
Red red red red red red red red red red.

The flag I made was a little tattered, I’m sorry. I have a sore throat.
You should take that flag out in back and burn it. Cause that’s whart the constertution says terdoo. That or bury it.

Terdooooooooooooooooooo.

Here comes the coda. Here’ is the coda. The coda is coming. Here it is.

GET OUT OF THIS POETRY SLAM!
RUN FROM YOUR LIVES FOR THIS POETRY READING!
PleasesavemefromthispoetryslambeforetheysellmeagainandihavetostitchtogethershoesinsomesweatshopforKmartandkathyleegiffordbecauseireallydon’twanttodothatatallseriously.
BLANKET MESSAGE ABOUT HOW WAR IS BAD!
CHORWAGGAHNUBBANUBBANUBBANUBBANOOoooo . . . !

Thank you.

Limp applause lead by the HOST.

HOST
Alright. Give it up for Crystal!

POET
KrysTAL.

HOST
Alright. Next we have Sam, and Sam is going to read us a poem about wicker furniture.