108 - CHA-CHA of Endurance and THE SECRET PLAY

12.25.06

A CHA-CHA line snakes in and out. The line is such that it seems never ending. Many of its participants where funny costumes or masks. The audience is invited to join. The CHA-CHA becomes a marathon to see who can CHA-CHA the longest. The winner(s) from the audience get treated to a special prize:

THE SECRET PLAY

The players involved in the CHA-CHA of ENDURANCE, assemble what remains of the audience in a roughly conventional theatre space (perhaps sitting on the floor?) Then, after a moment which cleanses the space of all energy relating to the CHA-CHA, the play begins.

Enter C(h)OURT, naked.

C(h)OURT
ONE FULL YEAR OF REVELS! IT HAS BEEN ONE YEAR FULL OF JOY, LAUGHTER, TERROR AND EMOTION! A YEAR WITHOUT WAR, A YEAR OF ENTERTAINMENT. ONE FULL YEAR OF REVELS!
Alas…this cannot last forever!
QUIET! YOU’LL JINX THE REST OF US!
But the Emperor’s promise! The Emperor promised us happiness on one condition!
YES! WE KNOW! THE EMPEROR MUST NOT WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES TWICE! NOT TO WORRY, THERE’S STILL MORE EXCITEMENT TO BE HAD!
I hear rumors that the Emperor’s closet is running out of fresh fashions!
HE’S THE EMPEROR! HIS CLOSET IS A NEVERENDING CHASM!
Filled with plenty of dark secrets is what I heard!
WE’RE PREPARED TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY, SO LONG AS OUR DAYS ARE HAPPY AND BRIGHT!
I heard stories he’s dishonest, and goes back on his promises!
SUCH WORDS HAVE BEEN FLOATING ABOUT…!
I heard the Emperor steals from the poor and gives to the rich!
YOU’RE RICH, WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING?
I heard that the Emperor is a pervert!
DO TELL!
Wait! Here comes the Emperor now!
MARVEL AT HIS ADORNMENTS!

Fanfare. The EMPEROR enters, dressed in gorgeous attire.

C(h)OURT
ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY EMPEROR! LORD OF OUR HEARTS AND MINDS!

EMPEROR
Yes, hmm, indeed. How do you like my new digs, ladies and germs?

C(h)OURT
They’re lovely!
They’re radical!
They’re perfect!
THEY’RE TOTALLY “YOU”!

EMPEROR
“Me?” Well that can’t be such a good thing. I guess I’m starting to repeat myself…

C(h)OURT
NO, NOT AT ALL, WE’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE!

EMPEROR
Really? Well I suppose our festivities can continue, ta-ta for now.

C(h)OURT
TTFN, BIG E!
Stay mighty!
Stay cool!
KEEP UP THE VARIETY!

The EMPEROR exits.

C(h)OURT
Did you see that?
It’s awful!
It’s dreadfully lame!
THOSE CLOTHES LOOKED NOTHING NEW, THEY WERE ALL THE SAME!
I’m beginning to have doubts about our Emperor…
SHH! QUIET YOU FOOL! THE WALLS HAVE EARS THE FLOORS HAVE EYES AND THE CEILING SMELLS YOU!
I’m just saying, he’s beginning to repeat himself!
DON’T REMIND US!
WE HAVE YET NO REASON TO FEAR. WE’VE TWELVE HOURS UNTIL THE NEW DAY, AND THE EMPEROR WILL SURELY SURPRISE US TO OUR HEART’S DELIGHT!
How long have we left?
12 HOURS!
How long?
11 HOURS!
Wait, how long?
7 HOURS!
7 hours is not that long!
NEITHER IS FIVE!
We only have five hours??
NO, WE HAVE THREE!
When is the Emperor due to arrive?
ANY MOMENT NOW – HERE HE COMES!

Fanfare. Enter the EMPEROR in a similar attire.

C(h)OURT
HAIL THE MIGHTY EMPEROR – THE BEST ONE FOR THE JOB!

EMPEROR
My people…my people. What do you think of the new garb?

C(h)OURT
It’s…grand!
It’s…splendiferous…!
It’s…punctual…?

EMPEROR
Is there something wrong my people? Do you find some fault in my attire?

C(h)OURT
WHAT? US? NO…
LOOKS AS FRESH AND DIFFERENT AS A NEW WHART IN JUNE!

EMPEROR
AWhaaaat?

C(h)OURT
Perhaps, your Excellency, what we wish to, that is, what we should say in truth is…
WE’VE SEEN IT ALL BEFORE!

EMPEROR
HOSH! MOOPBARK! FOLLYWADDLE!

C(h)OURT
PLEASE HAVE MERCY!

EMPEROR
What good would that do? All I seek is your love and approval, and all I do is fall short!

C(h)OURT
PERHAPS IT IS WE WHO HAVE ERRED. PERHAPS OUR IMAGINATIONS ARE NOT FIT ENOUGH TO BEND AND LIFT THE WEIGHT OF YOUR FASHION GENIUS! PERHAPS OUR IMAGINATIONS REQUIRE SOME EXCERCISE!

EMPEROR
Exercise you say… well then. I’ll give this empire one more day to produce a cloth so rare it deserves the peace of our day. UNTIL THEN I AM OFF!

Exit EMPEROR.

C(h)OURT
PHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE!
How close?
TOO CLOSE!
So what do we do? He’s got but one more spin of the Earth to come up with something new, otherwise he’ll destroy his entire court! And that means us!
HOW CAN HE EVEN DO THAT?
Do you want to find out?
NO!
So don’t bother asking.
WE HAVE PUT OUR FATES IN THE HANDS OF FASHION! THE RISE AND FALL OF OUR PEOPLE DEPENDS SOLELY UPON THE WHIMS OF TAILORS! NOW IT STANDS THAT THE ONLY WAY FOR US TO SURVIVE IS TO LIE AND SAY WE LIKE IT ALL! OUR SURVIVAL DEPENDS ON OUR COLLECTIVE DISHONESTY!

Enter the EMPEROR, naked. No one notices at first.

C(h)OURT
THE VERY WORST OF IT IS THAT THE FASHIONS ARE NEVER EVEN ALL THAT GREAT? WOULD YOU EVER WEAR THAT? I CERTAINLY WOULDN’T! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO AN INDIVIDUAL SENSE OF TASTE? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO-
Is that the Emperor?
IT COULDN’T BE…
He’s naked!
IT’S NOT THE EMPEROR! THE EMPEROR WEARS CLOTHES!
Uh, well he certainly isn’t now…
WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE SAY? WHAT IF IT IS HIM?

EMPEROR
It is indeed…

C(h)OURT
EEP!
Your Eminence, we weren’t expecting you so soon!

EMPEROR
What do you think of the new digs?

C(h)OURT
What digs?
SHUSH! YOU LOOK FABULOUS!

EMPEROR
You sure? You don’t think it leaves too much to the imagination, do you?

C(h)OURT
CERTAINLY NOT! WHY THESE ARE THE FINEST THREADS WE’VE EVER SEEN YOU WEAR? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT LOVELY…FABRIC?

EMPEROR
Oh, well you know, I had it lying around.

C(h)OURT
He’s gone stark raving mad!
QUIET! EMPEROR, YOU WEAR THAT STYLE BETTER THAN ANY OF US EVER COULD! DID YOU GET THAT SUIT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He’s naked! He’s completely naked!

EMPEROR
I’m wearing the empires most opulent threads…

C(h)OURT
This is ridiculous! You aren’t wearing anything! You’re just pretending to, and everyone’s buying into it! Why aren’t you people saying anything? Why are you putting up with this crap? You’re all responsible for a big fat lie! Well I’m not buying what you’re selling! I’m going to tell the world that the Emperor has no clothes!

EMPEROR
What do you have to say to that, my people?

C(h)OURT
WE DON’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT! YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, BETTER THAN A BILLION BUCKS! YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT ENSEMBLE MORE OFTEN, THOUGH MAYBE IT’S MORE OF A SUMMER STYLE…
I don’t believe you people! You’re only saying this because you’re too afraid to stand up to the Emperor! Don’t be afraid of his threats! He’s one big lie!

EMPEROR
Is that how you really feel?

C(h)OURT
You’re damn right it is. You’re a fraud.

Gasps. Pause.
EMPEROR
If I am a fraud, then you, Madame…ARE MY NEW CHANCELLOR OF FASHION!

C(h)OURT
What?
WHAT?!
Thanks, but no thanks.

EMPEROR
You are the only honest voice in my court, thus yours is the only I can trust. As for the rest of you, I banish you all from my court and my empire!

C(h)OURT
WHY?

EMPEROR
The Empire has no need for rubber stamps or yesmen. We need defiant voices of experience to serve in our chorus, whose diversity of ideas make the nation stronger.

C(h)OURT
WE CAN BE DEFIANT! Up yours! SEE! WE’RE COMPLETELY WILLING TO REBEL WHENEVER YOU ASK US TO!
I don’t think that’s the point…
WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU’RE JUST THE CHANCELLOR OF FASHION, YOU’RE NOT THE CHANCELLOR OF THE WHIMS OF THE EMPEROR!

EMPEROR
Enough! I grow weary, cold, and bored of exposing my flab. Chancellor, will you aid me with the honesty of your sense of taste?

C(h)OURT
I don’t want to. I don’t like what you stand for, and I could never trust you now that I’ve seen you for who you really are. I’d prefer you stay naked and exposed.

EMPEROR
Oh well. I guess I have to redistribute the endless riches I was planning on giving you…

C(h)OURT
ENDLESS RICHES?!
Hot diggity dog!

The EMPEROR and the CHANCELLOR exit arm in arm.

C(h)OURT
OUT OF ALL OUR GREAT ADVERSARIES AND OUR FOES, OUR UNDOING WAS AN EMPEROR’S LACK OF CLOTHES.